Confidence - define and design

Updated: May 23, 2020

Ask some people what they think of when you mention the word "confidence", and you might hear terms like "tall poppy", "arrogance" and "cocky" among those that are quick to roll off the tongue.

It's a long stretch between being confident, and demonstrating a cocky, belligerent, smart-ass attitude. Yet, it seems - in Australia, particularly - that the perception of confidence includes belligerent arrogance in the older generation and smarmy cockiness in the younger. Rarely does acceptance of self-assurance, self-belief, and self-ability factor in as the cornerstones of real confidence. Celebrities, stars, sports heroes and top performers, musicians, artists, even politicians and public speakers: often these people are seen as the epitome of confidence. Most are simply self-assured with a strong belief in their own ability. Yet, mixed into the belief is a pop-culture of cocky, arrogant, belligerent, "smart-ass-itude", and somehow the masses find this acceptable. What I have learned in the past twelve months about myself, and about the meaning of confidence, is that it is about standing tall, taking risks, crediting myself with having abilities, and also a sense of expertise and an understanding of human nature. It came to me, this sense of my own self-worth and self-awareness, when there had once been someone engaging in bitchy and petty nonsense, directed at me. Being so accustomed to put-downs, criticisms and denigration, I found myself acting from the "back foot"; defensive, scrambling to keep the peace. Then, I realized that my own submissive behavior was fueling the nonsense. Crunch time: I took a stance. I refused to accept the BS. I walked away. I didn't "jump" when expected to. In fact, I simply chose to ignore the nonsense. It really was of no surprise to me that the nonsense stopped. Not because the person changed in any positive way. But, more because I no longer added fuel to the fire. The petty nonsense really dropped away to mean nothing to me. I have no doubts that the person I refer to went on to find another "victim", and in truth, it's not something I concern myself with. I had my moment of "Aha!" when I found myself with a deep inner focus, where I saw myself in my mind's eye, standing tall, holding myself with greater confidence, and no longer defending my own belief. Success relies heavily on confidence. Not cocky, belligerent smarminess. But, the calm, quiet, self-belief that stands tall and strong, never waivers in focus or intention, that stands true and lives a life of warmth and humility. I found my confidence growing by the day. I chose to look for experiences that developed my sense of belief, my worth and I do believe now that as you find your inner "knowing", your life will step up along with it... more success, greater financial well-being, more quality friendships and better relationships. Confidence is an incredible quality, intangible yet capable of creating considerable changes in our way of life.


If you want to develop your confidence, start by making a list of all your skills and abilities, your "hard" and "soft" skills, acknowledge your strengths and develop your areas for improvement.

Download a copy of my free ebook, "7 STEPS to Total Self Assuredness":

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